It's Not Just About Them: Rethinking Trust
Trust can feel intangible or out of reach, but it’s often shaped by how we think, not just how others act. This post explores how leaders can shift from passive trust to deliberate trust-building.
By Elina ·
I write about leadership as a set of capabilities. Each month, I explore one capability in depth, breaking it down into patterns, decisions, and practices you can actually apply. If you’re interested in developing these capabilities in your own work, you can explore more here.
Why do we need to talk about cultivating trust?
Trust is often treated as an intuitive, intangible thing, a gut feeling. It’s either there or it isn’t.
But I believe that’s an unhelpful and limiting way of thinking about trust. Anything we label as “just there or not” tends to escape deeper reflection. It becomes something we accept as fixed, something we can’t work on. And that’s a problem.
You might hear or say things like: “I just don’t trust my boss; she only looks out for herself.” “I can’t trust them to do it right. If you want it done well, do it yourself.”
These are not just passing thoughts. They are beliefs. And more often than not, those beliefs say more about us, our fears, experiences, interpretations than they do about the other person.
To be clear: trust matters for survival. Sometimes, not trusting is a wise and necessary protection. But when survival is not the question when the goal is to lead, to grow, to collaborate, then learning to cultivate trust becomes essential.
Trust can feel mysterious. Why do we trust one person more than another? It’s hard to pin down. That very ambiguity makes it tempting to believe that trust is outside our control.
But when we assume trust depends entirely on others their behaviour, their track record, we miss an essential truth: our own reactions, beliefs, and leadership choices shape the trust dynamic.
Why is trust so essential in leadership?
Organizational research backs this up. Richard Boyatzis, for example, describes resonant relationships, the kind of emotionally rich, trust-filled connections that help people change, grow, and thrive.
When people experience trust and emotional safety:
They are more open to new ideas.
They can envision a hopeful future.
They feel cared for and more ready to care for others.
They build resilience and stamina.
In contrast, when people work under pressure, stress, or with a leader they don’t trust:
The body goes into defence mode.
Cognitive and emotional capacity shrinks.
Risk-taking, creativity, and collaboration decline.
People revert to habits and avoid change, exactly the opposite of what transformation requires.
We often misdiagnose trust issues
One of the trickiest things about trust in teams is that we often don’t recognize a lack of trust as the core issue. Instead, we see symptoms:
Quiet meetings. People don’t offer ideas.
Decisions get pushed up, not owned.
Compliance replaces commitment.
Back-channel conversations increase.
Blame rises, learning declines.
People avoid hard conversations.
You feel like you have to push harder and still get less.
None of these look like a “trust problem” on the surface. But many are exactly that.
So we try to solve them with more training, more performance reviews, more urgency. And nothing changes. Because the root cause hasn’t been addressed.
How to begin diagnosing trust issues
You can’t force trust. It’s shaped by lived experiences, beliefs, and interpersonal dynamics. But you can begin with self-assessment of your own perceptions and patterns.
Harvard Business Review identifies several trust “domains” that can help you pinpoint where trust may be fraying:
Trust in Performance
Do I trust them to follow through? When this is shaky, you may find yourself micromanaging or caught in a dilemma: let go and risk failure, or step in and undermine ownership.
Trust in Judgment
Do I trust them to make sound decisions? If you’re compelled to double-check every call, that removes autonomy and limits growth.
Trust in Representation
Can they represent me or the team externally? If you always take the lead with senior leaders, you may be signalling distrust, intentionally or not.
Trust in Discretion
Do I trust how they handle sensitive information? If you’re constantly editing or withholding details, it might be worth exploring what’s behind that.
Trust in Psychological Safety
Do I trust them to engage constructively with others? Are you always moderating, protecting, or stepping in to keep the peace?
Trust in Inner Motivation
Do I trust their intentions? While we can’t know someone else’s motives, overthinking them often creates unnecessary distance and stress.
These domains help you identify not just who you don’t trust, but how that mistrust shows up and how it shapes your leadership.
So what can you actually do?
Trust building isn’t fast. It’s not formulaic. It’s also not fully in your control. But there are concrete leadership practices that can create the conditions for trust to grow:
Co-create and clarify boundaries. Don’t assume everyone knows what “good judgment” or “appropriate discretion” means. Define what matters. Make expectations visible.
Model trust-promoting behaviours. Listen well. Stay curious. Invite dissent. Name your own mistakes. Let others see you learning.
Clarify both warmth and competence. Research shows we assess others (and are assessed) through two key lenses: Do you care about me? and Can you act effectively? Don’t just assume your intent is clear, make it explicit.
Debrief decisions together. If judgment is an issue, don’t just take power away. Use decisions as learning moments. Ask: “How would you approach this?”
Affirm and recognize. Trust grows when people feel seen. Set people up to represent you well. Prepare them, delegate clearly, and celebrate their wins.
Final thoughts
You can’t control trust, it’s mutual, relational and systemic. Workload spikes, external pressures, past baggage, these all influence trust dynamics.
But you can influence it. By naming it and noticing where it’s fragile and start tending to it, deliberately. And while that doesn’t guarantee perfect results, it does change the game.
Learning to lead through the lens of trust patiently, curiously, consistently can be transformative. Not just for your team, but for you.
What’s your experience with trust?
Which of the six trust types felt most familiar to you?
Where do you notice your own mistrust patterns showing up?
Originally published on Substack.