Anxiety: The Leadership Emotion We Never Talk About, but Should
Leadership often means holding more anxiety than you show. Here's how to understand it, and why that matters.
By Elina ·
The Quiet Weight Leaders Carry
You’re performing well, saying the right things, hitting the numbers. But something underneath feels off. You lie awake replaying a conversation. You brace before opening emails. You tell yourself to stay composed, but your shoulders are tense before every team meeting.
Leadership can feel like pressure without a pressure valve.
Most of us don’t talk about the emotional undercurrent that runs through our work. Especially not anxiety. But for many leaders, anxiety is a constant, sometimes at the surface, often buried just beneath.
There is another way to look at anxiety, as material for exploration and source of valuable information. It is not a problem to fix (even though it feels uncomfortable), often it can serve as a mirror reflecting something important about how you lead.
Why Leadership Breeds Anxiety
The psychodynamic coaching approach recognizes that much of our behaviour, especially under stress, is shaped by unconscious emotional patterns. Anxiety plays a central role here.
At its core, anxiety is our brain’s evolved defence system. It’s not just fear. It’s our way of scanning for risk and trying to prepare for the unknown. It’s there to keep us safe in the unclear future. But in the context of modern leadership, it often ends up being ignored.
Leadership roles, by their very nature, stir anxiety. Catherine Sandler, a leading voice in psychodynamic coaching, outlines several reasons why:
1. The double bind of high demands and limited control
Leaders are expected to deliver results, often without having full control over outcomes. They’re responsible for goals shaped by external forces: markets, clients, shifting strategies. Many bring a deep internal drive: “I can’t fail”. Or “I can’t let anyone down”. These beliefs, while motivating, can intensify pressure to the point of chronic tension.
2. Being constantly observed
Even entry-level leaders find themselves suddenly on stage. Your tone, your pauses, your decisions, they’re all scrutinized. Mistakes feel public. This visibility can trigger deep discomfort, especially for those who carry old scripts about needing to be perfect or never letting emotions show.
3. The burden of the controlled image
There’s an unspoken expectation that leaders must manage their emotions, have answers, and stay composed. Vulnerability often feels risky. So many leaders end up performing calm while suppressing fear, doubt, or sadness. That suppression takes a toll.
4. Filtering uncertainty
When the organization or market is in flux, leaders often act as emotional buffers. They’re expected to hold steady, provide clarity, and protect their teams from panic, even when they themselves are unsure. This kind of containment is vital, but it’s also isolating.
What If We Treated Anxiety Differently?
We can’t eliminate anxiety. And we shouldn’t try to. Anxiety often signals that we’re doing something important, new, or meaningful. It accompanies growth, risk, and responsibility.
Instead of silencing it, we can get curious:
What is this anxiety trying to alert me to?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What fear or “worst case scenario” is underneath it?
Anxiety loses some of its grip when it’s named. When we give it language, shape, and context, it stops leaking into everything else.
This might mean, talking it through with a coach, mentor, or trusted peer or writing it out until its logic becomes clearer.
Try This: A Gentle Reframe
The next time you feel that quiet unease, pause and ask:
What’s the real risk I’m worried about?
What would it mean to acknowledge that out loud (even just to myself)?
What support do I need right now?
What choice am I making here? What’s driving it? Is there another way to see this?
You don’t need to banish anxiety to lead well. You just need to learn how to be in relationship with it, so it doesn’t lead you.
Originally published on Substack.